How To Be Bold

How To Be Bold

Welcome to Diary of a Worthy Pursuit, the podcast that explores the journey of personal growth and self-discovery. In today’s episode, titled “How to be Bold,” we dive into the fascinating world of raising our standards, embracing our self-worth, and finding the courage to step into our boldest selves.

Join us as we uncover the power of the stories we tell ourselves, and how they can influence our perception of the world around us. We’ll explore the importance of checking the facts, challenging our limiting beliefs, and cultivating compassion and personal responsibility.

But that’s not all. We’ll also examine the excuses that hold us back from pursuing our dreams, and how to navigate through them with grace and determination. From arbitrary dates to societal expectations, we’ll learn how to overcome the roadblocks that hinder our progress.

In our candid conversation, we’ll touch on thought-provoking topics like the appeal of expensive purses, the role of appearance in our confidence, and the power of recognition based on intelligence. We’ll even discuss a mind trick known as the “4-second rule” and its impact on our decision-making process.

So buckle up for a thought-provoking and inspiring episode, filled with personal stories, insightful discussions, and practical advice to help you unleash your inner boldness. Get ready to rewrite your story and journey with us towards becoming the best version of yourself. Welcome to Diary of a Worthy Pursuit: “How to be Bold.” Let’s begin.

Enjoy!

Podcast Transcription:

Speaker A [00:00:06]:

So my family and I are in my wife’s Prius c, which is a tiny little hybrid, the least mainly vehicle you can think of. And we’re cruising up to Door County in Northeastern Wisconsin on her way to vacation to see some family up there. And we are on Highway 151, and it is pretty close to bumper to bumper traffic. Anyways, we’re in the slow lane, passing lane, a Ferrari goes by us about a mile an hour faster than we are, and the license plate says boss man. And I kinda, under my breath, say that’s pretty awesome. And my wife, who’s Prius c we’re driving, is like, oh my gosh. What a jerk. And she goes down and lists every single reason why this person is a terrible person based purely on two facts that we know.

Speaker A [00:00:53]:

1, is is he’s driving a Ferrari. And 2, his license plate says boss man. I, on the other hand, thought that’s pretty awesome. I mean, He’s probably got employees. They’re probably doing well. Business is probably successful. He’s driving a Ferrari. I’m in a Prius c.

Speaker A [00:01:08]:

So in just about every facet. And I also thought in the back of my head, I didn’t say this. And you know I didn’t say this because I’m still alive. He probably doesn’t have a wife yelling at him right now about a license plate from a car that passed him. At any rate, from my point of view, I thought that is pretty bold. And so they today, we’re gonna be talking about how to be bold.

Speaker B [00:01:28]:

Welcome to diary of a worthy pursuit, where we talk about how to get what you truly want in life and in business.

Speaker A [00:01:35]:

And, You know, it’s kinda funny because I’ve always wanted a Ferrari even though they’re huge pain. And it’s one of those things I don’t want a Ferrari to be noticed. I just want it for speed and the power and all that. And I feel like that’s with a bold red and all that kind of stuff, it’s pretty cool.

Speaker B [00:01:50]:

It is cool. But, you know, what I think is so interesting is there’s the there’s the what we feel like we’re gonna get when we drive the Ferrari Mhmm. And then what it’s actually you like to own a Ferrari?

Speaker A [00:02:01]:

Oh, maintenance. Yeah.

Speaker B [00:02:03]:

Right. So I’m reading a book that you gave me about the psychology of money And how this guy was a valet, and he talks about how people make these bold moves. But then, in this particular situation. What’s really behind them is, they’re putting out this front of being bold, hoping that then they step up into it.

Speaker A [00:02:22]:

Right.

Speaker B [00:02:22]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:02:23]:

Fake it till you make it kinda thing.

Speaker B [00:02:24]:

But what is valid about that, right, is that I bet every day he gets in that far Ferrari, he feels bold.

Speaker A [00:02:31]:

I you know what? Yes. And I can tell you that from my experience. I my cars in the past have been junk. And they were junk because my game plan, was to buy a car, use it for a year or 2 or 5, whatever, and then I would sell it for more than I bought it for. And I kept that game going for a long time. But to play that game, you’re not doing that with new cars. Yeah. You’re doing that with a car that’s 10 or 15 years old.

Speaker A [00:02:57]:

Mhmm. And it’s a car that’s got over a100000, sometimes 200,000 miles on it because at that point, it operates. And when you’re selling it, it still operates. So a working car is worth about the same flat plane kind of thing. And it I remember the 1st time I sold my business. I bought a new car, and every time I walked to that car, I’ve there was a pride. Mhmm. And I’m like, this is just a car.

Speaker A [00:03:21]:

Right. And there’s faster cars out there. There are better looking cars out there. But when I bought this car, there’s reasons that I bought that specific car. Fuel economy was still in my head, and it was interesting how I thought, oh my gosh. That is such a weird It’s a weird feeling to be proud of something that is really like, I’m getting a to b. It doesn’t matter if I’m in a Chevy Nova from 1988 or this, I don’t know, whatever, Ferrari.

Speaker B [00:03:48]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:03:49]:

In the end, it doesn’t matter, but it does.

Speaker B [00:03:51]:

I that was weird. You need that boldness, I think, to to step up. So any of these little tips and tricks, I think, that you can use to make yourself feel bold so you can step into the potential that’s there

Speaker A [00:04:02]:

Mhmm.

Speaker B [00:04:03]:

Within you that maybe you’re afraid to release is really helpful. It’s and there’s people who say this in different ways. Right? But it’s That idea of, like, do you have to put on an alter ego to do the things that you know are necessary, but maybe you yourself are scared of? Mhmm. So in that particular situation, I I would love to hear how you define boldness, but in this area, I see boldness as a tool to help you accomplish things that you may not otherwise go after.

Speaker A [00:04:28]:

Yeah. To me, it’s a you know, it’s interesting you asked that because it’s very tough to define that because a lot of people have, different perceptions of boldness, positive and even negative. But for me, it was an internal feeling, not an external feeling. So it’s the jumping from the zipline. Right? Jumping from the zipline, you got that exhilaration, and you can tell people about it, but it was more an internal thing. Right? And you’re having fun with the crew that you’re with and all that jazz, but you decided to overcome that fear. You got that courage or you just faked it. Right? You jumped off the the pedestal regardless of what happens, and it’s an internal feeling.

Speaker A [00:05:06]:

So the car thing was interesting to me because I thought cars are just a way to get to a and b, and it was a game for me to make my money back. So you essentially drove, I mean, minus gas and oil changes for free Mhmm. Which is kind of fun. But walking up to a car that I was out to own. It’s very interesting internal thing, and I couldn’t care less about what other people thought of the vehicle. Yeah. It was the pride with me walking up to it. Mhmm.

Speaker A [00:05:33]:

And it was a weird, like, oh, that’s kinda it was interesting because in the bold business book, I talk about how you can control your emotions, and you don’t need external input or things to happen. Right? But in the end, sometimes it’s easier with external. Mhmm. It’s way easier to feel that adrenaline pump when you’re sliding down that zip line

Speaker B [00:05:53]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:05:54]:

Tend to just sit there and be like. So same thing with a car or I imagine a watch. I just had a conversation with a guy about, fancy watches.

Speaker B [00:06:04]:

Okay.

Speaker A [00:06:04]:

Because I still can’t wrap my head around the fancy watch thing. Like, I can go to Walgreens with 99¢, and I can come up with this digital watch that tells time better than something that manually does Mhmm. With gears and all this kind of stuff. And this other guy I was talking to was talking about how they’re an investment, and he’s got this winding mechanism. So for all the watches that he doesn’t wear, I guess they self wind as you move. So he bought this winding thing, and he was essentially telling me the same story that I just you about the car, but with a watch.

Speaker B [00:06:38]:

Oh, that’s interesting.

Speaker A [00:06:39]:

He feels more powerful and more vibrant when he’s wearing this watch. And and it’s interesting because me, being not a watch guy, I noticed, like, you might have a watch on, but Right. That’s the end of the extent. I don’t look at a watch as a Ferrari even if that may be a $100,000 watch.

Speaker B [00:06:54]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:06:54]:

I have no idea.

Speaker B [00:06:55]:

Well, and that’s like me in purses. So for women, it’s like, oh, this Oh. This, like, these 1,000 of dollars pairs shoes or this bag that you carry, and that’s just never been me.

Speaker A [00:07:05]:

Yeah. Okay.

Speaker B [00:07:05]:

To me, it’s more of the is it fulfilling its purpose? You know? Does it look nice. Can it go with my outfit? Is it not gonna break on my shoulder? Whatever those things are. Right? It’s function. And and if it looks nice and it’s affordable, then cool. But there’s other people who went on a vacation. And some of the gals we went with, we ended up in, Oh, the the south of France. We were traveling down there, and it was really important to them to be able to go to these designer hand bag stores.

Speaker A [00:07:35]:

Oh. You

Speaker B [00:07:35]:

can buy 1 from that store in the south of France because to your point, maybe it’s a boldness, maybe it’s a status symbol. But to me, I was like, let’s just let’s go see the ocean. Oh, sure. This thing. Right? But it’s interesting because that’s not where I get my boldness. I would get it, I think in in other places, not from a handbag. But it’s similar in that car watch thing

Speaker A [00:07:57]:

Yeah.

Speaker B [00:07:58]:

For women. And I think, So I’d love to hear this perspective from a guy, but there’s a lot of people who say that women dress for other women. They don’t dress for men. They dress to look nice for other women. And it’s not necessarily to look nice for them, but to, like, feel Confident and feel like you belong around this other group of women.

Speaker A [00:08:20]:

You know, it’s interesting. I don’t wanna get in trouble here, but my wife and I were having a conversation because we saw the Barbie movie.

Speaker B [00:08:25]:

Oh, okay.

Speaker A [00:08:26]:

And I don’t know if you haven’t seen the Barbie movie. It’s it’s talks about feminism, patriarchal, whatever. It’s actually went down a path that I know what was gonna take. It was interesting. Yeah. Different than I expected. I’m gonna dare say good, but it was interesting. Not what I was expecting because I was expecting something more for 12 year old girls to the thing.

Speaker B [00:08:46]:

And Yeah.

Speaker A [00:08:46]:

It was more for 40 year old girls. 40, 40. Anyways, my and I were talking about this thing and how different people based on either race, sex, all this kind of stuff, how they have it easier or harder in the world. Mhmm. And I told her my perception is that the most powerful person in the world is an attractive woman. And then if you’re an attractive woman and you don’t dress in a feminine way, you’re giving up a lot of power. And, I referred to this comedian skit that I heard. I forget the comedian, but he’s like Jay z and Beyonce.

Speaker A [00:09:26]:

Right? Both successful entertainers, business owners, many 1,000,000 of dollars. Right? Maybe even 1,000,000,000. I’m not sure. But if Jay z worked at Burger King, what are the chances that him and Beyonce would get together? Mhmm. Probably unlikely.

Speaker B [00:09:39]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:09:40]:

But if Beyonce worked at Burger King and Jay z was a rapper business guy, what are the chances that Beyonce can get with Jay z? Probably still pretty good. Mhmm. So it’s interesting because Jay z is not an attractive dude. I know. But buddy’s got a couple coins to rub together. So

Speaker B [00:09:55]:

Right. Well, what what I found interesting about that from the female’s perspective, and I’m sure your wife brought some of this up. But is that idea that as women, we don’t necessarily you’re told your whole life, like, even if you’re remotely cute. Oh, you’re Suits is being pushed on Netflix right now, so I’m watching it. And one of the characters in there is actually Meghan Markle. I’m not watching it because of her, but one of the things that she yells at her dad four, who’s a lawyer and she’s not, is, her dad says something like, you know, Rachel, you’re beautiful. You could do anything you want. And she’s like, Yeah.

Speaker B [00:10:33]:

But you didn’t say I’m smart. Oh. And so it’s interesting because especially, you know, There’s so much parenting advice on Instagram and all these other places now of, like so often we tell girls and we we validate them on, oh, you’re So pretty. Oh, you look so beautiful in that dress. Whatever. But we don’t necessarily validate them on their intelligence. And it’s interesting because the difference between what we just normally do for boys versus what we do for girls is different. Like, girls, it’s all about the looks.

Speaker B [00:11:02]:

It’s all about this thing. So I hear that, and I think more of the current feminism push is, like, it’s not that women don’t wanna be pretty and do the thing Mhmm. But we wanna be recognized For like, hey. I have just as much or more intelligence than a man in this position, and so I wanna go toe to toe based on my brain.

Speaker A [00:11:21]:

The challenge there is that we make judgments. Right? We as humans, we have the survival thing. Right? Mhmm. So we can’t meet someone for the 1st time and be like, okay. Let me learn your life story. Mhmm. Let me learn your experiences. Let me learn what you know.

Speaker A [00:11:34]:

Right? I’ll ask these questions to figure out what you know in my world.

Speaker B [00:11:37]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:11:38]:

Or we don’t have the time to do that. Mhmm. So we have to make judgments. Yeah. And, visually, that’s faster than anything else.

Speaker B [00:11:46]:

So this kind of leads into your 4 second rule.

Speaker A [00:11:49]:

Can you

Speaker B [00:11:49]:

talk to that a Little bit?

Speaker A [00:11:51]:

Yeah. The 1st, 2nd rule I came up with I didn’t come up with this. I read about it in this, it was a pickup thing. And I read about this pickup thing through it was just this rabbit hole. I read an article in Rolling Stone or GQ or something like that where this guy this, like, 40 year old journalist guy was interviewing Britney Spears.

Speaker B [00:12:11]:

Okay.

Speaker A [00:12:11]:

And she wasn’t having it. Right? He’s supposed to write some article. He’s got these list of questions, and she’s probably been interviewed 5,000,000,000 times.

Speaker B [00:12:19]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:12:19]:

And so here’s just another journalist trying to ask me the same questions, and she was just blah. Right? Kinda like talking to a teenager. Picture. Like, how was your day today? Fine. And so he had followed this, I think mystery is the guy’s name, some pickup artist, and he learned these pickup tricks. And so he started doing that. They called Sargine on Britney Spears to get the interview to go well. And it’s it’s like this silly mind trick where he’s like, I’m gonna write down a number on a piece of paper, and then you guess it.

Speaker A [00:12:49]:

Right? And so he writes on the number 7, and she guesses 7. So between 1 and 10, like, 80% of the population will pick the number 7.

Speaker B [00:12:57]:

Oh, interesting.

Speaker A [00:12:57]:

So she picks 7, and she’s like, wow. I’m the smartest person in the world. And she jumps something down. Now she’s glowing, and they have rapport. Yeah. Just like that. House was like, what is this?

Speaker B [00:13:08]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:13:08]:

Because it’s amazing. So, anyways, I read the book, read his book, and in there is this thing about the 4 second rule.

Speaker B [00:13:17]:

Okay.

Speaker A [00:13:17]:

And their 4 second rule is if you’re at a bar and you see a girl you wanna talk to, you have 4 seconds before. Fear will stop you. Right? Or you’ll be like, she won’t wanna talk to me. Oh, she’s with other people, whatever. So you’re giving yourself this rule to force yourself to kinda be your own wingman.

Speaker B [00:13:34]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:13:34]:

Right? But it makes sense in business as well or even in life of whatever. Right? You see people just deliberate deliberating about these decisions.

Speaker B [00:13:43]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:13:44]:

Crazy, stupid, meaningless decisions. When in the end, if you just had this for a second rule, you make the decision, you move on with your life, and it’s probably not life altering in a negative way. Yeah. And you just do it.

Speaker B [00:13:56]:

Well, the I think that lends to this whole idea of if we just trusted our gut and didn’t let our head get in the way Right. We’d be We’d be faster in a lot of our decisions. We wouldn’t be so stuck

Speaker A [00:14:06]:

Mhmm.

Speaker B [00:14:06]:

Sometimes too. And I think that depending on who you talk to, some people call that intuition. Mission. Right? We’re so used to the crowd criticizing what decisions we’re making or worried about what everyone else is gonna think of what we did, when if you really just, Like, clear the clutter and went with your intuition or your gut. Mhmm. Some things might not work out, but, wow, what kind of life would you have if you just did your gut reaction.

Speaker A [00:14:28]:

Right? And you raise an interesting point. Right? Regardless of the outcome, you made the decision.

Speaker B [00:14:33]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:14:33]:

So just go. Right? So if you walk into a girl at a bar and she’s like, nah. You’re crazy. Okay. Who cares? Move on with your life.

Speaker B [00:14:41]:

Yeah. So Ed Mylett is someone that I love and I follow, and he’s, He’s done a lot of financial real estate investment, things like that. But what I find interesting when he talks about, like, some big decision that he’s had to make is he looks at it as It does probably doesn’t matter which decision I’m gonna make because either one, I’m gonna make it work. Mhmm. Right? If I did this chose this one, I would’ve made that one work. Right? So in hindsight, Neither one would have necessarily been a bad decision.

Speaker A [00:15:13]:

Another going deeper into that with the decision is, the rule is a decision not to make a decision is a decision.

Speaker B [00:15:20]:

Right. That’s huge when you when you really internalize that.

Speaker A [00:15:23]:

Mhmm.

Speaker B [00:15:24]:

And even on things like, Oh, we really need to or I feel like I should do this. Mhmm. But I don’t have the time right now.

Speaker A [00:15:33]:

You know? Not happening.

Speaker B [00:15:35]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:15:36]:

So you haven’t chosen to do it, so, therefore, it’s not getting done.

Speaker B [00:15:38]:

Yeah. And then when you look at when you put it in those words and you say, like, well, Just change your wording to, like, that’s not a priority. And you’re like, oh, woah. So, like, for an example, when I was health coaching, people would say, like, I don’t have time to work out. Like, okay. Well, let’s change your words for a minute because if you wanted to do it, we would find the time. You would make the time. So change it out loud and say, I’m not making working out a priority, or my health is not a priority.

Speaker B [00:16:07]:

Alright. And then see how that feels because that feels crummy.

Speaker A [00:16:10]:

It does.

Speaker B [00:16:11]:

And then you’re more likely to make a change.

Speaker A [00:16:12]:

And then you realize, oh, what am I doing instead? Right? Yeah. Because people at work, I’ll get 25 hours a day. Right?

Speaker B [00:16:19]:

We like to think

Speaker A [00:16:20]:

it’s fair.

Speaker B [00:16:20]:

Yeah. Exactly.

Speaker A [00:16:22]:

You come back or you, alluded to this a little bit about raising your standards. Mhmm. So to be bold, a lot of times we talk about the car. Right?

Speaker B [00:16:30]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:16:30]:

You raise your standards, get a nicer car. Right? You wanna work out. What is your standard of health? Mhmm. And what is your what do you want to achieve, and what is the bare minimum? Because the rule is that you will always achieve your minimum standard, whether that’s in finances, health, whatever. The rule also is you look at your circle of friends, take the average, and that’s probably you. Mhmm. So you find a circle of friends that helps raise you up. Because if you end up on the bottom of that circle of friends, you’ll be, I suppose, somewhat subconsciously forced or moved.

Speaker A [00:17:05]:

Let’s say moved

Speaker B [00:17:06]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:17:06]:

Towards the direction of either earning more or being in better health or whatever.

Speaker B [00:17:10]:

Well, it motivates you to reach more. Mhmm. Right? So I think if you look at the 5 people you surround yourself with and you’re like you know, for example, in in a business, Let’s say, like, if you’re running a business and you don’t have other business owners in your circle, like, you might need to find a new circle at least for business Mhmm. Or get a business owner in your circle because if none of those people get it, then they don’t understand what you’re going through.

Speaker A [00:17:31]:

Totally.

Speaker B [00:17:32]:

Right? And in the same way, if you find yourself at the top of your circles, then it’s probably time to adjust. Right. Because you are more likely to go down to their standards.

Speaker A [00:17:41]:

Yeah.

Speaker B [00:17:42]:

They might raise up to yours, but you’re not improving yourself. So I really love the the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with, which you have to take for a grain of salt because, like, sometimes the people spend the most time with her 3 and 5. So, like

Speaker A [00:17:54]:

So that’s oh my gosh. I joke with my wife sometimes because she teaches 8th grade.

Speaker B [00:17:59]:

Yeah. And

Speaker A [00:18:00]:

I say something that’s probably not ideal to say to her, but I’m like, I can tell that you just hung out with a 158th graders because you’re acting about that nature.

Speaker B [00:18:08]:

Yeah. Right?

Speaker A [00:18:08]:

Like, just maybe hang with the other teachers for a minute.

Speaker B [00:18:12]:

Why she’s probably great at her job.

Speaker A [00:18:14]:

Probably.

Speaker B [00:18:15]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:18:15]:

Yeah. Because she can understand, empathize with them, and side. No way.

Speaker B [00:18:20]:

Yeah. Well so this raise your standards set another way as you will never get more than you think you deserve. Oh, yeah. So if you feel like you don’t deserve a lot, then you’re not going to to get that. And so I like the idea of raising your standards, but it’s also this idea of What do I feel like I’m worth? And that is a boldness factor because you almost have to be bold to raise your self worth and reach hard.

Speaker A [00:18:42]:

Totally totally how you value yourself

Speaker B [00:18:44]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:18:44]:

Internally, externally. Yeah. Absolutely. That’s huge.

Speaker B [00:18:48]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:18:48]:

That’s I guess it comes back to the boldness being more of an internal. In an external.

Speaker B [00:18:53]:

Mhmm.

Speaker A [00:18:53]:

Yes. It’s just interesting. But you had the great thing about telling a better story. I have, I’m gonna dare say every employee. Most employees have some, what I would consider to be a BS story for why they haven’t achieved something. Sure. And even I mean, arguably, almost everyone you meet has a story for whether or not. I’ll give you a really quick example.

Speaker A [00:19:21]:

Just ahead with my wife. Last night, She was at some teacher thing because the school district makes them go to the teacher thing. And she saw somebody go up to this person that she doesn’t like in administration. And I tried to figure out why she doesn’t like this person, but it wasn’t clear, so whatever. But this person had hugged the person that she doesn’t like. So, therefore, she doesn’t like that person, the person that did the hugging.

Speaker B [00:19:50]:

Transference.

Speaker A [00:19:50]:

Here.

Speaker B [00:19:51]:

I’m like Yeah.

Speaker A [00:19:51]:

Do you know that person? She’s like, I met her once. I hate her now. Right? It was one of those, like, what if this person is, I mean, there’s options. Right? What if this person is really cool Mhmm. And they just happen to be friends with this other person? I’m certain that I’ve been friends with people that other people don’t like. Sure. And I’m certain that friends of me have been friends. Like, there’s probably some people that don’t like me.

Speaker A [00:20:12]:

Right? 1 or 2. On the flip side, maybe this person is just hugging that person because it’s a political move. I mean, this, shaking hands kissing babies kind of thing. Right?

Speaker B [00:20:24]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:20:24]:

This is an administrator. Maybe she wants 2 weeks off in the middle of the fall. I don’t know. Right? There’s so much going on, but my wife read that into one hug.

Speaker B [00:20:33]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:20:33]:

She just went down this crazy downhill story. Mhmm. And I tried to challenge her a little bit and be like, really? That’s where she can have this one

Speaker B [00:20:41]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:20:42]:

Tiny thing?

Speaker B [00:20:43]:

So Brene Brown is famous for the whole, the story you’re telling yourself. So not to get too deep in it, but the the example that I really love that she’s talking about, she’s going on vacation. Her and her husband go on a swim every morning, and they go to get in the water. They’re both in their swimsuit. She’s in her mid forties, and she’s like, oh, I really look forward to spending time with you. And he’s like, uh-huh. Yeah. And they jump in the water.

Speaker B [00:21:04]:

And so the whole swim out, her brain is going, he doesn’t like how I look in my bathing suit. He find me attractive anymore. All of these different stories going through her head. And they get out there. She makes a comment, and he still, like, brushes it off and is quiet, and they go back in. So She, by the end, when they get out on the dock is like, I don’t understand why you don’t love me anymore and just has this whole thing about how he’s fallen out of love with her. He doesn’t think she’s attractive. He doesn’t wanna spend time with her.

Speaker B [00:21:32]:

And he was, you know, vulnerable enough To say, I had a dream last night that we are in the middle of the lake, and a speedboat was coming, and it didn’t see us. And I had both kids, and I had a Split second to choose which kid I was gonna pull under the water and save. Oh. And you’re like, oh. And so the whole time they’re swimming, he’s distracted by this dream. And so she’s like, oh my gosh. You know? I’m so sorry. But she just spent the past half hour reeling, saying the story.

Speaker B [00:21:59]:

I’m gonna get divorced. My husband doesn’t love me. And he is, like in another world, in this existential crisis.

Speaker A [00:22:05]:

Yeah.

Speaker B [00:22:05]:

And so what I think is really interesting from that story is it is all about the story we tell ourselves, and sometimes we just to take a step back and check the facts.

Speaker A [00:22:14]:

Right.

Speaker B [00:22:14]:

And then say, could there be another explanation for this thing? I’ve been a part of this fearless summer camp, run by a friend, and one of the things that she says is look at it with compassion. Mhmm. So say, look at look at your story with compassion and then Look at it with some personal responsibility.

Speaker A [00:22:32]:

Internal story.

Speaker B [00:22:33]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:22:33]:

Okay.

Speaker B [00:22:33]:

So if the story for me is, I’m not good enough to to get business from this company. Like, okay. Realize and acknowledge the fact that that’s the story I’m telling myself. Give myself some passion for the fact that there’s something within me. Question it a little bit, look at the facts, and then take some personal responsibility and say, okay. If those are the facts, I need to change my story. Own it. Mhmm.

Speaker B [00:22:57]:

Right? Or say, what can I do differently to change those facts?

Speaker A [00:23:03]:

Alright. Yeah. And a lot of times, I’d imagine the facts are so minimal. In Bernay’s case, it was a guy just essentially saying, yeah.

Speaker B [00:23:10]:

Saying one thing.

Speaker A [00:23:11]:

Yeah. Right. And then she told this whole so, like, we’re gonna have to sell our house and all that stuff.

Speaker B [00:23:15]:

We can talk about people who overthink every situation. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:23:18]:

So you think, like, what are the facts? And you’d almost think not even close to relevant. The story shouldn’t even exist Right. Let alone be changed.

Speaker B [00:23:26]:

Well, and how many stories are you telling yourself in your life that Holding you back from being bold, from being the best version of yourself because you think that these things are fact when in fact they’re opinion.

Speaker A [00:23:37]:

Right. Totally. Yeah. And it’s the excuses that we tell ourselves. Right?

Speaker B [00:23:41]:

So much so.

Speaker A [00:23:42]:

I think it’s funny when we’re trying to sell our services to a client, and they’re like, you know what? After Christmas, after this completely unrelated thing happens.

Speaker B [00:23:54]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:23:55]:

And sometimes I’ll be bold enough to ask, you know what? What are you expecting to happen January 2nd? Right? You’re gonna come into work, and what’s gonna be different on January 2nd versus whatever, October 13th.

Speaker B [00:24:07]:

Sure.

Speaker A [00:24:07]:

Right? As are you getting new employees, new software, something happening where you need the delay, are you really doing that much Christmas shopping that you need two and a half months to knock it out? Right? Yeah. Like, no. No. You’re kicking the can down the road, and I get it. Right? But just tell me why. And if the if the why is you wanna tell me no later Mhmm. Tell me no now, and I’ll save you the

Speaker B [00:24:28]:

time. Right. And me. I’ll save you and Yeah.

Speaker A [00:24:30]:

Both of us. I don’t have to bug you. It’s all good. Yeah. So it’s interesting, I guess, dynamic there.

Speaker B [00:24:36]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:24:37]:

But in the It’s funny because I say this trying to get myself in the position to be bold enough to ask that question. A lot of people appreciate the honesty. Right. And a lot of times, they’ll tell you something that you didn’t know, that they didn’t think was necessarily relevant, but they’re like, oh, I have x y z happening. Maybe it’s a personal thing. Right? We’re a kid in November. And Right. Who knows what that’s gonna bring.

Speaker A [00:24:59]:

So get it. Whatever.

Speaker B [00:25:00]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:25:00]:

Or we’re adding software. We’re adding people. Like, oh, okay. And then you can figure out a game plan. Does this make sense? Whatever.

Speaker B [00:25:08]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:25:08]:

Or is it or is it a no? Whatever it is.

Speaker B [00:25:11]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:25:11]:

But you get that information instead of just this arbitrary date.

Speaker B [00:25:14]:

Yeah. Babies are are not worth anything. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of times worth a lot of wasted time.

Speaker A [00:25:20]:

A lot of times. Yeah. Most of the time, people give me an arbitrary date that’s got no or it’s not shared why that date is there

Speaker B [00:25:26]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:25:26]:

And I ask them about it, it helps get either a yes or a no. Mhmm. Yeah. And that’s all you’re after. Right? Yes, no, or future commitment. That’s it.

Speaker B [00:25:34]:

Yeah. But, you know, what’s interesting about that is how did you help yourself feel comfortable enough to be bold that now that’s a question that you ask? Because I bet when you started your business, Was not the easiest question.

Speaker A [00:25:46]:

No. I the sales training that I’ve gone through, their big thing was go for the no.

Speaker B [00:25:51]:

Okay.

Speaker A [00:25:52]:

So we were taught initially or you believed, I guess. Maybe this is just instinctual. You want everyone to be a yes. Right? Yeah. Everyone that I asked to buy my product or service, want them to say yes because then that means more sales, more sales means more money, bigger business, blah blah blah blah blah. But not necessarily every person is a good fit. And so you’re going for the no because no is easier. And I don’t have to waste a bunch of time on no.

Speaker A [00:26:15]:

I don’t want a maybe because maybe is a huge waste of time. Yeah. Because because we always think about it, like, if I propose to you, like, Jenna, will you marry me? And you’re like, after Christmas.

Speaker B [00:26:25]:

Let me think about yeah,

Speaker A [00:26:26]:

right, our baby. You know? I think, why don’t you follow-up with me in summer in June? Whatever. Mhmm. Like, no. That’s a no. Or that’s a that’s a no with no or no clear reason.

Speaker B [00:26:37]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:26:37]:

So I want a yes. Right? Great. We’re gonna get married. Yoora rah. Or a future commitment with a reason. Yeah. Right? Like, I just had twins, Jane, so whatever. Not today.

Speaker A [00:26:50]:

Follow-up with me in June. Whatever. And there’s a reason. But the no is so much easier because you can mark them off your list.

Speaker B [00:26:57]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:26:57]:

The other rule is that until you ask them, you already have a no.

Speaker B [00:27:02]:

Oh, interesting.

Speaker A [00:27:03]:

So every client is a no until you ask them. Yeah. So what’s the risk?

Speaker B [00:27:07]:

Well, what I love about that is that that motivates you to ask. Town. Right. Because the motivation is to change the no from a yes.

Speaker A [00:27:14]:

Mhmm.

Speaker B [00:27:15]:

That’s so interesting. I love that perspective. The the question that was kind of coming into my brain as were telling that story was what would need to be true for me to feel comfortable doing this thing? Oh. You know? So in With clients, for example, like, okay. So you wanna start a business. What would need to be true for you to quit your full time job and start a business?

Speaker A [00:27:35]:

Alright.

Speaker B [00:27:36]:

But with becoming bold, I think this idea of, like, what would need to be true for your when you think bold, I think, like, show up as the best version of yourself. Like, this future version of you that you’re reaching for, hopefully, you’re always, you know, constantly trying to grow and get there. So what would need to be true for me to become that person? And that really requires vision. It really requires you understanding who you are and where you wanna go. And then it’s the leaning into what would the future version of me do in this situation?

Speaker A [00:28:05]:

Alright.

Speaker B [00:28:06]:

And so when I think of boldness, I guess that’s how I think about it is how Do I make decisions that are going to benefit future me and not, like, give in to that instant gratification of this doesn’t feel comfortable right Alright. I’m not gonna do it.

Speaker A [00:28:20]:

And I suppose you’re also challenging yourself a little bit because maybe realize that there are no facts that could come to light to that you would be comfortable with starting your business.

Speaker B [00:28:29]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:28:29]:

Maybe it’s just not your jam.

Speaker B [00:28:30]:

Right.

Speaker A [00:28:31]:

Right. Or doing whatever it is. I mean, starting a business or whatever. Mhmm. Eating, becoming a vegetarian. I don’t know. Whatever it is.

Speaker B [00:28:38]:

Have kids. Whatever the thing is. Yeah. But I think the,

Speaker A [00:28:40]:

there’s a quote that came to mind that I just lost. Right.

Speaker B [00:28:40]:

But that idea of, There’s a quote that came to mind that I just lost.

Speaker A [00:28:45]:

Right.

Speaker B [00:28:45]:

But that idea of, you know, where you headed and what are you willing to sacrifice to get there.

Speaker A [00:28:50]:

Right. That’s a great point. Right? Because you’re always gonna have to sacrifice something. Mhmm. Always.

Speaker B [00:28:56]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [00:28:56]:

Because you can’t be attending to every single thing and every single time. Right. Just can’t do it. Mhmm. So it all I guess that comes down to the power of no. Right? You being able to say no when somebody asks you, whatever. Will you volunteer with this board? Right. Or will you help me with x, y, or z? Will you help me move? Mhmm.

Speaker A [00:29:13]:

I joked with a guy. I’m like, I’m over 40 now. It takes more than beer and pizza to help someone move.

Speaker B [00:29:18]:

Yeah. Right. Exactly.

Speaker A [00:29:20]:

I got a spine I gotta worry about.

Speaker B [00:29:22]:

Uh-huh. What if I throw out my knee?

Speaker A [00:29:23]:

Yeah. Something. But it’s interesting how people we used to be on this, like, I’ll help anyone anytime. Right? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Speaker B [00:29:31]:

People pleasing.

Speaker A [00:29:32]:

Yeah. Uh-huh. And then I found, I had a fair number of people say no to me. And it would be like, hey. Will you help me with this thing? And I’m so used to people saying yes that the 1st time I heard no is one of those like, And from my point of view, it’s one of those, If anybody, any of my buddies, friends, acquaintances, some random person called me up and said, hey, James. I need to get bailed out of jail. I’d be like, no problem. Mhmm.

Speaker A [00:29:58]:

I’ll come come where are you at? Right? I come to prison, barely out of jail. Even if it was someone you met in a networking group.

Speaker B [00:30:04]:

Yeah. Right?

Speaker A [00:30:05]:

Sure. Whatever. Probably got a cool story. You know? Right. But I’m learning stuff even with friends. That was a no. And a lot of times, they’re just like, nah. And so it was weird thinking like, oh, that’s odd.

Speaker A [00:30:20]:

But then you think, well, what do they have to sacrifice in order to say yes to me? Are they giving up a weekend?

Speaker B [00:30:25]:

Right. Are

Speaker A [00:30:25]:

they giving enough time with their kid?

Speaker B [00:30:27]:

Because every yes is a no to something else.

Speaker A [00:30:29]:

Right.

Speaker B [00:30:30]:

And I just as a last piece here, I really leaned into at first, when I heard this advice, I was like, I don’t know. But if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. Because otherwise, you’re saying yes to things you feel obligated to do instead of saying yes to the things that you really know are gonna move board.

Speaker A [00:30:46]:

Alright. I love that.

Speaker B [00:30:47]:

That’s all the time we have for today. Thank you so much for watching, diary of a worthy pursuit where we help you get what you truly want in life and business.

Speaker A [00:30:55]:

Appreciate that.

Speaker B [00:30:58]:

See you next time.